Healing Dream - Jesus is the Reward

 I had a dream last night that I was coming into my childhood home, up the steps and into the kitchen.  When I opened the door I could see my mom's table with family around it, drinking coffee and talking.  Like so many days of my life.  

As I came in, one family member said to another, "tell Dicky Bird what you told me."  As I looked at each of their faces, I was already thinking "they are trying to 'school' me on something."  So, as I listened to this "parable" type story.  For the life of me I can't remember the comparisons, but they were something like - 2 people were to do "this" and one was chosen other not.  Several examples were given.  The stories were told in a way, that made one look like a victim the other victorious.  As I was listening, I was getting mad....mad because, of course the comparisons would make one feel like a victim...I was feeling it.  So I said, "you know what?  I would feel that same way, in fact...I got one even better....listen to this."  I proceed to tell the story of how I was a victim....so, I told them this story.

I was a "nice" girl, did what I was supposed to do.  Got good grades, stayed out of trouble, went to NTC (technical college), graduated with an Associates Degree in Legal Secretarial Science, was working in that field, got married young to my first real love, we had a tiny fixer upper, 2 beautiful daughters.  

It was raise time our annual review at the law office.  I was excited, because, I had really worked hard that year making changes to my area that saved the office money and they (bosses) got an unexpected bonus.   Truthfully, one of the other girls came out earlier and said "they are giving good raises!"  She told me how much her's was.  I was thinking, well mine will be that good too.  So, optimistic me goes in for my review.  My boss tells me my increase....what?!...it was sad!  Almost $3 an hour less than what he gave my coworker.  She got like $3/4 increase mine like $0.50.  I said "can you tell me why (I said my coworker's name) got so much more than I?"  He proceeds to tell me...."well, she is a single mom, she needs it."  Without missing a beat I say..."so, you are going to 'reward' her for doing all the things wrong, making bad choices in her life, and not me for making the 'right' ones?  Then I proceed to point them out.  "I went to school, she didn't, I have a degree, she doesn't, I didn't get pregnant at 16, she did....I made the right choices in life and now she is getting 'rewarded'...?"  He didn't know what to say.....other than, you have a husband, she doesn't.  

You know, I felt this way, used this example as a lesson in life...like, you can do all the "right" things and still get screwed.....I know, I'm terrible....

But, last night, that dream, when I woke from it.....I was healed from this....because, Jesus spoke to my heart and told me this....you had the reward, the reward of living in a loving home with parents who provided for you, finding your soul mate right away and not 'giving' yourself to others, marrying young, a fixer upper, husband who provided for you and you had security in Me (Jesus) your whole life....she did not.  

Oh how convicting this is to me.  I'm so thankful that I've seen the error in my "victim" mentality and have held on to this for far too long!

This post isn't to belittle real "victimhood" - there is that for sure.  I pray that those who have suffered at the hands of that, will find a way to "heal."  You don't have to "live" in it.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.