Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Grief -vs- Relief

Most of you know that my mom passed on the day before Thanksgiving this past year.  Her wishes were not to have an obituary, so some people didn't know she passed.  I had to keep a positive attitude, as Justine's shower and wedding were within the next month.  So, some emotions were pushed back.  

I have been working at the shop (Grand Repeats) while the owner and my friend, Gloria (Dave) took a much deserved vacation to visit their children and grandchildren.  It has been fun, I've enjoyed myself, visiting and seeing customers.  Several customers/friends came in and told me that they didn't know my mom had passed on and gave me their sympathy.  I thanked them and in many cases shared the story of her passing.  

My friend Sue came in to visit.  Her husband, Dan, passed on in 2012.  Read my tribute to him here:  http://dickybirdsnest.blogspot.com/2012/12/good-bye-for-now-dan-my-junkin-buddy.html

I mentioned to Sue that I had been thinking about grief and relief.  That there is a fine line between the two.  Now, I don't mean in all cases.  I have a friend who's son (12) died in a skiing accident - he had a whole life to live.  I'm talking about those that are here and in pain or suffering.  Dan was in a lot of pain before he passed.  My mom was one strong woman, but she too was always fighting something with her health.  They both were "ready" to go.  Even if we weren't ready to let them.  

It is weird to wake up now and not think about my mom and her needs.  Is she going to need me; or will one of the worker's call in sick; it is so cold out, how is the furnace running; do we need to shovel; does she need milk or bread...whatever, it was...each day I would wonder (worry).  I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, as I'm not.  We were blessed to have her as long as we did and she was blessed to be in her own home as long as she was.  I'm just saying that for several years these thoughts were pressing on me each day.  Now...not.  I actually feel guilty...because, it is nice not to have to worry. 

That is when I thought about grief -vs- relief. 

*grief:  they are gone                  *relief:  no longer in pain
*grief:  won't see them here      *relief:  in a better place
*grief:  miss them                       *relief:  with other loved ones
*grief: my loss of "purpose "     *relief:  my not worrying

I know that everyday, I will think of my mom.  I will grieve the loss of her company.  I also know that I am relieved that she is no longer in a wheelchair and with our dad.  I don't know if the relief ever overpowers the grief - not as of yet.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  



5 comments:

Dar said...

I feel your grief/relief. Dad has been gone for over 6 yrs already and I talk to him everyday. I know I'm reassuring myself that it's gotten easier. It has for the most part, the relief effect that you so wisely have written. I find comfort in many places., even a glance at the river he so loved, or the pond he built at the farm and endearingly called Lake Inferior, his cribbage board that he and Mom played every morning and kept score. He'll always be in my thoughts, memories that no one can ever take from me.
You will find peace. It's part of healing. I'm glad for you that the ' relief ' is setting in. It's alright to have our moments, sad and happy. And No one can Ever take your memories of your dear parents. Life for them has gone full circle and they are happy with God.

TexWisGirl said...

completely understandable.

Felecia Cofield said...

I'm sorry for your loss! I know you miss your Mom very much! What Dar said is so true! Think on the good times! Stay warm! Blessings from snowy Bama!

Liz said...

HUGS! I don't think we are ever ready to let go of a loved one.

Justine said...

Great way to put it :)