Thursday, January 31, 2013

Lesson 11 - Learing to Turn it Over to Jesus

Do you have a hard time turning things over to Jesus?  I did too.  I learned over a series of lessons I felt He brought me through to have the faith I needed to go through our daughter's cancer journey.  The posts are in order, Lessons 1 - ?.  Go back and catch up, none of the posts are too long.

Lesson 11 - Learning to DEPEND on Jesus

A year of protocol, cross that off.  As we sit waiting for Dr. McManus to come in, I look at the worn and folded piece of paper we originally received from the Mayo Clinic.  I remember when she first gave this to me, "how are we going to do this?"  Now, I look at all the X's marking off the procedures, treatments, tests, surgeries, radiation and office visits.  The sheet was "done!"

"Anna, your levels look good, your port site healing nicely, you are done with treatment."  Dr. McManus is kind and soft spoken - we love him.  We have seen him every week for over a year.  "I want to see you in 3 months" he says.  "Go do the activities you love and be happy, you did it."   His staff had a celebration party for completion of treatment and we were on our way.

I must admit, it was going to be nice not to have to drive about an hour away each Friday.  I will miss the St. Vincent visits, but to be able to stay home will be nice.  What next?  I didn't have a sheet to look at, no calendar to follow - I was kinda lost.  Are we doing everything we are supposed to?  Are they sure?  Will her cancer come back?  These were some of the questions popping up over and over in my mind.  I knew I wasn't in control of anything, but somehow when I had the sheet - I was in control of crossing stuff off.  I didn't have that.  Only "we will see you in 3 months."  

Uncertain, cautious, distant; a few words to describe me at that point.  Words not associated with faith.  I felt so strong going through the treatments.  Isn't that how it goes, when we need Him the most - we are our strongest.   Now, we just had to wait.  I'm not good at that - waiting.  

Sunday morning service.  Lesson on loaves and fish - "And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks and brake them and gave them to the disciples and the disciples to the multitude."  Matthew 16:36.  The miracle of feeding the multitude, yep I've heard it before - yawn.

However, that isn't where the sermon was going...our pastor continued.  "And they did eat and all were filled and they took up the broken meat that was left seven baskets full."  Matthew 16:37.  The message was on the seven baskets full.  

After Jesus feed the thousands, He and the disciples set forth across the sea.  The sea had a storm and the disciples were afraid.  Imagine the boat rocking, their crying out and Jesus asleep.  Our pastor then said "they did not look around the boat and see the seven baskets full - was it just the day before that Jesus fed them and the crowd - did he not take care of them and still have seven baskets full."  The message was about looking back at the previous blessings in times of trial and having the faith it takes to know "well, he took care of me then, I have the evidence (seven baskets) and he will take care of me now."  

This is just what I needed to hear.  I had my seven baskets - a ratty, folded piece of paper - protocol with X's marking off those things Jesus helped us through.   At the beginning of this journey, our pastor preached "he will give you the shoes you need for the path you are on" and he did.  Now, all I need to do was "look at the seven baskets full."  Oh, how God gives us the words we need - just when we need them.

Lesson 11 - Learing to DEPEND on Jesus - looking back at his blessings.

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.

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