Sunday, April 10, 2016

Sometimes...I just want to be "Bad"

Have you ever wanted to just be "bad?"

Maybe yell at the person in line ahead of you.
Flip off the driver who cut you off.
Gossip about a friend who really offended you.
Drown yourself in a glass of something...you pick your vice.
Buy one of those pretty cakes - eat it all yourself.
Order some new items on line and hide it from your spouse.
Just get in the car and drive away...a day, weekend..no plans.
Or maybe even something - worse.

I have been thinking about my "50 things to do before I'm 50."  You know, I have always been the "good girl", the one the teacher leaves in charge, the girl who serves punch at prom, the only one who stands up for the bullied, the one who wouldn't read a cuss word in an oral reading in class - just to have everyone laugh at me...yes, I am inherently good.  My religious background, faith, experiences at an alter, Sunday school teachings - keep me on straight and narrow.

Sometimes, I just want to be bad...

I'm not saying I've always made the best chioces...I've been bad on an occassion or two.  I did have a few years of rebelling after high school - hey, it was the 80's.  Even this past summer in Peru, I didn't know why I liked the coca tea so much (cocaine leaves) everyone was drinking it.  I just happen to drink a lot of it and really liked how it made me feel.

This leads me to a dream I had last night.  You now, I work out all my issues in dreams, I've posted about it before.  The jist of the story is this:  I was trying to round up some sheep that got out of a fence.  For some reason, mine where the black ones (go figure) and they were running from me.  Just as I was about to herd them in, a person yelled my name from our woods, I didn't know him.  He asked to shake my hand, so I did.  He injected me with something in my hand.  I yelled for Al to help me.  I remember thinking...I just need to get behind the fence.  Then I woke up.

So, I guess, what I got from this dream is...I need to stay within my own fence..dang it...I really wanted to do something "bad."

Now, my "bad" and your "bad" probably are two different things.  I don't do things or indulge in things others do because of my OCD issues and the fact that I have made some pretty high fences for myself.    

So, for now, I guess, I will try my hardest to be "good" and rethink my "50 things to do before I'm 50"  By the way, Al was going to be "bad" with me...so, I wasn't keeping any secrets.  He liked the "bad" me he dated....but LOVES the wife and mother I am now.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  



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