Motivational Monday - Compare & Compete Disorder

 

I will share a vulnerable side of myself.  I am choosing to share this with you to explain the victory I have had with it.  

I've sought out counseling several times in my life.  Someone to talk to who can help me work through a sad or hectic time.  It was at one of these sessions, I was told that I had a "compare and compete disorder."  I let her explain to me why she felt this about me.  When I countered with a question to her, she got up and walked out of the room.  I wasn't mean, all I did was ask her a question in a scenario that I thought she was referring to.  I reflected it back on her as a mother and woman.  She came back in the room and I just said, "well, I can't be the only mother or woman who feels this way.  You're making me feel like I am."  I didn't go back.  However, that "disorder" claim stuck with me.  I have thought about it a lot over the years.  I can see times when I can be like that and even a little jealous.  

Now, it's not over "who has the biggest house" or "how much money in the bank" type of things.  For me, these feelings are deeper than that.  I'm happy for people that have nice things, a great job, or extra money, I really am.  Here is an example of "deeper than that."  When I was little, I loved my older sisters so much, that I would get jealous of their friends.  I thought they loved them more than me.  So, it's more relational than material.  An example of compare and compete would be this little story.  I was never popular but always tried.  I always had long hair and tried to come up with new ways of doing it.  My bus picked up kids from a "better" neighborhood along with the rest of us (hahaha).  An older classmate, from that neighborhood, who was a cheerleader, very popular and very pretty, one day, complimented me on a new hair style I came up with.  She asked me how I did it, so I told her.   I was just happy she was talking to me.  The next day, she wore her hair the same way...everyone said "oh, I love your hair" and it became "her signature thing."  I know, I was in middle/highschool, but I came up with that!  No one, but her noticed me when I wore it that way.  This, this type of thing has been my path in life.  No one notices, until someone else does it.  I know it's not true in every thing, but some and I've come to live with it.  These experiences shape us, how we react and move forward.  

I've always known I wanted to be a wife, mom and farmer.  I have it on a project I did in 2nd grade, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  My family, have always been the "make do" type.  Always repurposing, reselling, crafting, bake sales, breeding puppies and such to make extra money.  I even tried to convince my dad to let me "have" the old garage (like a small rustic shed) for a little shop.  I was like 15.  We lived in town on a busy road and I had my own business plans.  The "what" that I do, runs deep into my heart and soul.  It is more than a hobby or job for me!  It's part of me.  We bought this farm when I was 27 years old.  It was on Town Hall Road and so Town Hall Trinkets began in a little shed on our property.  Now, 33 years, lots of ideas, antiques, folk art, monthly markets, Ringle Harvest Day, pop up events of all kinds later, I'm still here.  Now, there wasn't social media to document all this, but it all happened.  Speaking of a compare and compete disorder.....that, social media, is awful and I'm sure causing this disorder in some.  

When I held monthly markets on the farm, I set up at an event.  Every business had their flyers on the entry table.  I put mine out too.  The event promoter came to my booth and gave them back to me.  I was told, "you can't promote an event that is within 30 miles or 30 days of mine."  O.k. ??!!  I came home and thought about that.  I showed respect, was gracious, and did not gossip about it.  I'm only telling it today, to show a different way.  To the promoter, I was a young buck running up the hill.  I wasn't going to fight the old stag at the top, I just wanted to run up the hill.  I think, because I was like 30 something this older person felt ..... maybe jealous, or even feelings of compare and compete.  I told myself at that time, when it's my time to be the old stag, I won't act like that.  

I say this now as the old stag, where did the time go.  The top picture of the candles all burning at different stages, I love.  It is the perfect image of what I feel like I'm trying to explain and live.  Jesus has really been working on me, He has me always in His hands.  However, this "sifting" Him "sorting out the "chaff" letting what is not needed in me blow away in the wind.  Oh, He is too good to even put into words.  I've been so blessed to see "this" for what it is.  Just because my candle is a lower flame, doesn't mean I don't burn.  It just means I've been burning longer.  Just because you see another's flame brighter, doesn't diminish the fact your flame still glows.  The melted wax is evidence.  No one can take that away from you.  

I don't want to be like the old stag, rather, I want to be like this candle - lit and helping others get their flame.  The darkness doesn't compare or compete.  The flame of the candle isn't jealous.  The candle shines and shows the way, leads by example and shares it's flame with others.  

You know, this just tickles my heart.  My friend reminded me just yesterday, "let your light shine, even if it is in the corner."  Oh, little did she know that statement and our Sunday message at church would yield all this .... this beautiful, bountiful harvest of healing.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.