The Heart of a Hoarder - Why Bother

It was the middle of November - really, it was.  I was sitting in my living room, in my favorite chair, trying to watch something on t.v. from around the stacks of boxes that had been sitting there since January.  It's shameful, I know.  We packed up everything in our entry, laundry and bathroom at the end of last January, so we could start the remodel of moving our bathroom door and updating.  Granted the remodel took longer to complete, some on our part, than we expected.  Some due to trying to make sure we did it the way we wanted, because this will be the last time we do this.  (more than likely).  

So, back to my trying to look around the stacks of boxes - I yelled out "I've lost interest in my house!"  Al was sitting on the couch - "why do you think that is" he asked?  Well, reader, this sums it up.....

So, back to my trying to see around the stacks of boxes.  You know, that stack didn't really bother me, until that moment.  As a hoarder and daughter of one, I've grown up with and used to stacks of things.  Truly, I live with my "hoarding blinders" on.  I started to type and remind you all that I did have hand surgery last summer which left me unable to lift - but then, that's also what hoarders do.  Excuses, justify....I've heard them all...said many myself.  

So, back to my trying to see around the stacks of boxes.  It hit me...I've lost interest in MY house.  I used to find joy in staging and decorating, what happened?  Granted, there is no one here but Al and I most of the time, "why bother!"  "Why bother" has been a frequently said phrase over the past few years between Lisa and I.  Is it any wonder a person would feel this way after scrolling, reading, hearing, you know all the things on fakebook and instasham.  

Now, what you also may not know, is that for 2 years in a row, 2 years, Lisa and I have helped 2 families clean, sort, stage, sell, list, find buy out dealers for their hoarder homes.  Each one of those sales, were 6 months - 6 months!  Physically, emotionally invested in helping "complete" these estate sales.  This was in addition to all the other sales and online stuff we did.  

Before at one of our sales

After at the same house

We left their homes, tidy and clean.  I then came home and didn't have it in me to do my own.  "Why bother?"  

Why bother?  

Bother, because I want to find joy.  Bother, because I want to have peaceful spaces (not cluttered ones).  Bother, because I may not always be able to do this for myself (lessons from the hoarder homes) so, I better do them while I can.  Bother, because I should want better for Al and I.  Bother, because I would love to be more of a hostess in my home.  Bother, because it is lazy not too.  Bother, because ..... it isn't a bother ..... it's a blessing! 

There, I believe this completes steps 1 - 5 on any addiction 12 step recovery program.  1.  Admit  2. believing you can  3. desire to let go 4. conducting an emotional inventory and 5. declare wrong doings.  Well, actually step 6 as well, seeking higher power for help.  "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."  I've walked around, up and down stairs, unloading, loading my own boxes, tossing things away - and quoting that scripture for the past 2 months.  

I plan to share some of the progress with you all.  Not as a fakebook or instasham thing or even a motivational thing.  If I share, it will be because I find joy in it and what I did.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.