I spent most of quarantine 2020 working on my interior and exterior self. I have made some improvements. Some you can see and I enjoy the compliments and others, you can't. It's the others you can't that are the hardest to work on.
Last Friday, we took supper to Al's mom's house. Anna was up, Justine, Josh and L came too, we had a wonderful visit. We haven't been together like that since August 2020 outside visit. Anyway, as we were leaving, L went around to hug her goodbyes and she came to me last. I said "I don't care I'm last, just as long as I get a hug too." Both of my daughters, almost at same time said "since when...ahhha..." I said, "well I do now, I've been working on me."
Someone asked me "how are the new puppies?"
Well, they have been rather destructive, as in chewing chunks out of my walls, cords from lamps, threads from rugs, corners from foor and door trims, legs to tables, chairs, pie safe...I lost it at pie safe. I also lost it, after burning my candle at both ends last month working so many hours. I would come home 10 pm tired and they were up at 1:30, 2:45, 3:15, 4:22...barking to go out to do their business all different times on different nights. It would be one thing if they did it and came back in to sleep. But, noooo, they were bouncing off the walls wanting to play as I try to fall back to sleep in the recliner. I would just fall back to sleep and they would start in again. When I finally got up to stay up....they were sleeping!! Ya, so I wasn't too happy with them. Thankfully, when I was upset, Al was calm. He wanted the puppies more than I. I really wasn't over Dolly yet, but I let these two little terrors into my life.
They are a tiny bit better. The other morning after letting them out around 4:10 at -29 (actual temp) we all crawled into my recliner. As I lay there, 2 dogs stretched from chest to toes, I happen to look at Lady and pull her close to my face. She was all snuggly, pushing her little rat terrier looking head into my neck...she is cute...and I said this.."listen here little dog, you have some big shoes to fill, if you think I could love you like I've loved others before....we have had some awesome dogs before you." Then it hit me...that's it Dicky Bird...
I don't have to love this dog more than the other dogs, I just can love it too. It doesn't have to be a competition to who I love more or compare between the dogs, it can just be...these are my dogs now and I will grow to love them.
I'm not sure why I have these issues with compare and compete, I really don't. I have a blessed life, I don't need to feel competitive or compare mine to another's. Truthfully, if I did, mine would be far better than many....stop...you're doing it even now...help me Lord.
I've had this blog post saved for awhile now. I've changed it, added to, took it all away and started again. I wasn't even going to post any of it, but, truthfully, compare and compete is a stuggle for many. It's in my face alot, as it's part of the job of what I do. I want everyone to succeed, I really do, so it's not that. It's just too much. I have made strides in not letting it consume me like it once did. Not looking at all the posts (fakebook & instasham) from others is a big help in that. But, this little epiphany parable in my life with the dogs, thank you Jesus for allowing me to see it. "It" I think, hit me to the core.
Healing from past "hurt," is hard. Working on yourself is too. This scripture keeps coming to my mind:
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..." Gen. 50:20
I now understand, all of that is not meant to hurt me, it's meant to help me - help me be a better version of me so that I can be a better version for what His plans are for me.
Cultivating at the core, inside and out. I plan to work on my own (my inventory) on my own (out of my shop) and on my own (by myself). Shannon, who has worked with me for a few years, is moving. They will be renovating and building their dream home out of an old barn. I will miss her, but I am happy for her too.
Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.
Happy for Shannon she's a great gal...Your going to be lost without her but you can do it...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. She is!
DeleteI think that is an issue with many of us,that we always feel the need to add up. I use to have in my younger days a horrid issue with it but I think once I got older that it just wasn't so important. Don't get me wrong when it comes to my hobby of rug hooking I compare constantly and I am trying very hard not to. But there is always work to do I guess.
ReplyDeleteTwo puppies you are brave I do not have the stamina to do that any more. My only advice would be tire them out in the day lots of exercise and fresh air if possible. they would sleep at night. And yes we have been looking at dogs again as it has been many years since the last one.
Cathy
I agree, age is also helping me. Yes, we do try to wear them out....but due to "age is helping me"....they tire me out. Ahahah
DeleteYou are hardly alone in this struggle, Jacky.... It is, I believe, part and parcel of human nature. The crippling part for me was finding that when I compared, I inevitably found myself coming up short. You see, I do not compare others to others, but myself to others, and that's a no-win game. I am curious, though, about your comment about "not looking at all the posts from others." I am not entirely sure what you mean in that regard. I guess that when I look at others' blog posts showing their beautiful creations, for example, I somewhat lament that I will never be the hooker or stitcher that so many that I "follow" are but, more often than not, their craftsmanship and artistry inspires me even while knowing my skills will always pale in comparison. One thought that I have always held close to my heart is something my mom said about us children.....She said "I may love you all differently, but I love you all equally." I find that true is so many different ways and on so many different levels. And if we can believe that we are worthy of that, we truly have no need to compare. ~Robin~
ReplyDelete"other's posts" are, and I did edit this to reflect, "fakebook & instasham." Blog post are more meat and potatoes and they feed me and my soul. The other isn't and is like junk food, you enjoy it for a bit and then feel guilty after you eat it. Ahahha Robin, I just gave myself a new post, thanks.
DeleteI swear we are twin sisters. After about a month of our Samoyed Tundra moving in and being a little terror himself, I kept asking him why he could not be like my Samoyed Boots. Boots was not like him. I kept comparing him to my favorite dog. I had to learn he was not my Boots and he has his own qualities and there are times even now where I wish he was my Boots. Guess it will take time for me to adjust. He is a good puppy when he is good. LOL Janice
ReplyDeleteI bet if we could sit and share I'm sure we would have more in common as well. I like that saying "he's a good puppy when he is good" - mine too!
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