Motivational Monday - Compare & Compete Disorder

 

I will share a vulnerable side of myself.  I am choosing to share this with you to explain the victory I have had with it.  

I've sought out counseling several times in my life.  Someone to talk to who can help me work through a sad or hectic time.  It was at one of these sessions, I was told that I had a "compare and compete disorder."  I let her explain to me why she felt this about me.  When I countered with a question to her, she got up and walked out of the room.  I wasn't mean, all I did was ask her a question in a scenario that I thought she was referring to.  I reflected it back on her as a mother and woman.  She came back in the room and I just said, "well, I can't be the only mother or woman who feels this way.  You're making me feel like I am."  I didn't go back.  However, that "disorder" claim stuck with me.  I have thought about it a lot over the years.  I can see times when I can be like that and even a little jealous.  

Now, it's not over "who has the biggest house" or "how much money in the bank" type of things.  For me, these feelings are deeper than that.  I'm happy for people that have nice things, a great job, or extra money, I really am.  Here is an example of "deeper than that."  When I was little, I loved my older sisters so much, that I would get jealous of their friends.  I thought they loved them more than me.  So, it's more relational than material.  An example of compare and compete would be this little story.  I was never popular but always tried.  I always had long hair and tried to come up with new ways of doing it.  My bus picked up kids from a "better" neighborhood along with the rest of us (hahaha).  An older classmate, from that neighborhood, who was a cheerleader, very popular and very pretty, one day, complimented me on a new hair style I came up with.  She asked me how I did it, so I told her.   I was just happy she was talking to me.  The next day, she wore her hair the same way...everyone said "oh, I love your hair" and it became "her signature thing."  I know, I was in middle/highschool, but I came up with that!  No one, but her noticed me when I wore it that way.  This, this type of thing has been my path in life.  No one notices, until someone else does it.  I know it's not true in every thing, but some and I've come to live with it.  These experiences shape us, how we react and move forward.  

I've always known I wanted to be a wife, mom and farmer.  I have it on a project I did in 2nd grade, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"  My family, have always been the "make do" type.  Always repurposing, reselling, crafting, bake sales, breeding puppies and such to make extra money.  I even tried to convince my dad to let me "have" the old garage (like a small rustic shed) for a little shop.  I was like 15.  We lived in town on a busy road and I had my own business plans.  The "what" that I do, runs deep into my heart and soul.  It is more than a hobby or job for me!  It's part of me.  We bought this farm when I was 27 years old.  It was on Town Hall Road and so Town Hall Trinkets began in a little shed on our property.  Now, 33 years, lots of ideas, antiques, folk art, monthly markets, Ringle Harvest Day, pop up events of all kinds later, I'm still here.  Now, there wasn't social media to document all this, but it all happened.  Speaking of a compare and compete disorder.....that, social media, is awful and I'm sure causing this disorder in some.  

When I held monthly markets on the farm, I set up at an event.  Every business had their flyers on the entry table.  I put mine out too.  The event promoter came to my booth and gave them back to me.  I was told, "you can't promote an event that is within 30 miles or 30 days of mine."  O.k. ??!!  I came home and thought about that.  I showed respect, was gracious, and did not gossip about it.  I'm only telling it today, to show a different way.  To the promoter, I was a young buck running up the hill.  I wasn't going to fight the old stag at the top, I just wanted to run up the hill.  I think, because I was like 30 something this older person felt ..... maybe jealous, or even feelings of compare and compete.  I told myself at that time, when it's my time to be the old stag, I won't act like that.  

I say this now as the old stag, where did the time go.  The top picture of the candles all burning at different stages, I love.  It is the perfect image of what I feel like I'm trying to explain and live.  Jesus has really been working on me, He has me always in His hands.  However, this "sifting" Him "sorting out the "chaff" letting what is not needed in me blow away in the wind.  Oh, He is too good to even put into words.  I've been so blessed to see "this" for what it is.  Just because my candle is a lower flame, doesn't mean I don't burn.  It just means I've been burning longer.  Just because you see another's flame brighter, doesn't diminish the fact your flame still glows.  The melted wax is evidence.  No one can take that away from you.  

I don't want to be like the old stag, rather, I want to be like this candle - lit and helping others get their flame.  The darkness doesn't compare or compete.  The flame of the candle isn't jealous.  The candle shines and shows the way, leads by example and shares it's flame with others.  

You know, this just tickles my heart.  My friend reminded me just yesterday, "let your light shine, even if it is in the corner."  Oh, little did she know that statement and our Sunday message at church would yield all this .... this beautiful, bountiful harvest of healing.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.   

  

Farmhouse Friday - Week 37 - Celebrations

 

What a good week for me!  Really, I feel like I'm getting into or back into some kind of rhythm.  Some feels familiar and some different and new.  I'm putting in the hard work, physically, spiritually and mentally needed to move ahead.  

Al took down 4 raised beds we had and planted grass.  He made our tilled garden even smaller this year.  I couldn't quite reach the middle of the lower old raised beds from my scooter, so he created this taller one for me.  We just used what we had around here.  He came over and said "these boards may rot in the future."  I said "who cares, we probably won't be here to see it."  We both laughed.  Is this 60's plus humor now?  So, I celebrate a new raised bed, I will plant some garlic in soon.  

One of my 4H grandmas, helped me clean out this cabinet.  We threw out (recycled) so much outdated information, forms, paperwork from 20 years and maybe more.  I feel, my part of the stewardship of "all things Popplewood 4H" has new life now.  I celebrate the old club's history and look forward to Lord willing another year of leading.  

We were asked to help with Lauren one day this week.  She brought her school work over and we had a fun time studying the constellations.  It was nice to be back sharing in her homeschooling activities.  I miss my Wednesdays with her.   I celebrate the fun we had and fun we will have in the future.

My first friend, Kathy, opened a new shop in Marathon, Wisconsin.  We have been friends since we were 4.  She lived across the side street from me.  I remember playing on her swing set and sand box.  I didn't have one.  I had an old tire swing.  She had bright new things...ahaha.  Her store is called The Red Rooster.  I celebrate her and her new store.  

First, that is pepper on the tomatoes.  I like pepper - alot.  We had a bumper crop of tomatoes this year.  Al is freezing and freeze drying laundry baskets full.  Yes...like 250 pounds of tomatoes.  I celebrate this fresh BLT and the many sauces, soups we will enjoy this winter. 

Our little town of Ringle, Wisconsin, celebrated it's 125th year today.  So many things going on at the townhall.  I am thankful for Krystle, Kathe, Jordyn and Marathon County 4H for helping me with the games and promotion.  I celebrate the rich history of Ringle.  Al's family being here for almost as long and still going strong.  I celebrate all the community service events I have done for 4H and look forward to doing more with a little help from my friends.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  

 

Motivational Monday - Physical Activity - Physical Therapy

 

I'm laughing at this meme!  This speaks truth in volumns!  After my mom had a stroke, we took care of her the best we could in her home.  I was, at times, short tempered because of her dropping things or trying to do something and making a bigger mess.  Little did I know then, that "this" would be my future.  Truthfully, I don't care what anyone says, I know my grandma and mom had a version of my disease.  The progression process, the hands, the thighs, the eyes - oh my....yes, I do believe I see IBM.  Genetic testing showed some kinds of muscle disease in my workup, just not necessarily IBM.  

O.k. now on to my post.  When you have a chronic illness, you need to "pick and choose" what you do in a day.  Like, "I can do this or that, but not this AND that today."  Some days, I can accomplish both - those are good days!  

I have to, no it's greater than that, I NEED to work in my buildings reducing my business inventory and personal stash.  I live in Wisconsin, we only have so many days to do this.  Winter is long here and no outside work in the buildings for me.  

I'm pretty proud of the progress I've made thus far.  Most of which I did by myself.  I made the mess, I need to clean it up.  I had a big sale here at end of June.  That sale was just to clean out a spot so I can work on the rest of the trailerS and buildingS in a clean, dry spot.  This past two weeks and weekends, I managed to clean up 99% of those items.  Some, reserved for another try (very, very little), some for the dump and some were donated.  Now I have a working area in that space.  Oh, I have been working out there too.  Digging up stuff for my big flea market, Ringle Harvest Day.  

I still need my physical therapy, my choice is aqua therapy, to keep me moving.  If you don't use it, even when you do...with IBM...you lose it.  I do feel guilty when I don't go.  I've tried to go at least 1 time a week all summer.  In winter, I go two times a week.

So, my Motivational Monday post is this, in a round about way.  Dicky Bird, you can either be physically active or go to physical therapy.  I have a lot to do between now and when the snow sticks.  On rainy days, I will go to aqua therapy, however until it snows, if it's nice out I will be physically active.  

Just keep moving.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  

Farmhouse Friday - Week 36 Last Days of Summer

 

So many pollinators here!  All kinds of butterflies.  However, the Monarchs, so many of them.  I saw something unusual....

I thought, are they doing what I think they are doing?  Yes, I guess so, I asked Google (hahaha).  She actually flew away with the male still attached.  I was bugging them too much I guess. 

Of course "breaking usual behavioral patterns" are here and I witness it.  Nothing here is normal or usual.  If it's going to be "rare" or an anomaly - you'll find it in our life here.  

O.k. enough flowers.  

We had a long weekend here in the United States for the Labor Day holiday.  In Wisconsin, this marks the end of summer.  Tourists are few, cabins getting closed up, people are getting back to a schedule and school.  

We had some of our children over for dinner.  I made roast turkey and some fresh fixings from the garden.  

Of course, with just Al and I and left overs, we made several meals off this carcass.  

Turkey and gravy over mashed potatoes.

Turkey salad sandwiches.

Turkey soup made with bone broth, left over corn fresh from the cob.  I love cooking this way, I always have.  When you can make one meal turn into several.  Especially when it's a busy time like now.  Al decided to plant waaaay toooo many tomato plants.  He has been freeze drying some, turning into tomato powder.  We froze bags full for winter soups and sauces.  Oh and also enjoyed them warm off the vine.  

I have been using my scooter all over the place.  I love it and I still have some independence on where I want to go.  

Guess what we are going to make?  Fire cider.  We, our daughters and grands, had a virtual chat and made it together.  I'm not sure if this will be a month, bimonthly or weekly thing, our making something together, but I enjoyed it.  

Al and I went for a ride for a short visit with Anna and Ezra.  

Grandpa and Ezra playing tractors.  We take our dogs too.  Anna's cats usually hide when we come.  Frankie is in this photo, he likes to taunt Ginger and she likes to stare at him.  

O.k. just one more of a pretty salad I made from all our garden goodies.  I'm going to miss this.  

Thanks for all the nice comments on my Motivational Monday post.  This week is an example of my hand and palm open, to receive whatever the day brought me.  I'm so blessed.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  

Motivational Monday - Fist or Palm

 Good Monday morning.  I'm going to do a Motavational Monday post - I know, it's been years.  However, the message my nephew shared in church yesterday is worth my sharing because it motivated me.  

I just love when you listen to a pod cast, message or talk when the speaker, shares in a way you understand and not over your head.  

He started with this..."everyone make a fist, now think of this closed fist while I am speaking."  I will share in my words what he said.

Have you ever seen a child have something in their hand?  "Let me see, what is it?"  Nope, death grip.  It may only be an M&M or a jelly bean, but they are not going to give it up.  "If you let me have that, I'll trade with you for what I have behind my back."  I've played that game, as a mother, teacher, leader many times.  The thing is, I might have a full size candy bar behind my back, but if you don't open up your hand, you won't receive it.  

You may think, Jacky is relating this message to her IBM disease.  Well, in a way it it, but in a way not.  

On the way to church, yesterday, the day my nephew gave this message, I asked Al a question.  "Do you think, if I quit doing my Tuesday night lot drops for a few weeks or months, people would quit following me?"  I have really good customers and I would surely hate to lose their business.  I have buildings filled with inventory to sell yet, but winter is coming. 

My nephew's message touched on blueprints.  That one really hit me.  I've always been one to plan things out.  I may not always achieve them, or do them, but I like to plan.  I set out a "blueprint" for my business years ago.  In 40 years, I've reinvented myself too many times to count.  Not because I had to, but because I wanted to grow, change and evolve into a better business.  

I haven't told many people, but I've actually made some tough decisions about my business.  They have been the kind I wouldn't have made if I didn't have IBM.  When I was first diagnosed, I just wanted to "make it" until the end of the year.  Broken femur later, friends helping me, I did.  Then it was "if I can make it to my 60th birthday" and I did.  

Everyone retires from something.  Once retired, you persue things that you really want to do or are interest in.  Working all those years, just to do that, what you love.  For me, my job is what I love doing.  So, I set out to create a new blueprint for me and my business.  However, after this message, I'm just throwing that out the window.

I can't be like a toddler, "no, I'm keeping this!  I'm not giving you my plans!"  "I know what I want, I know how to get to where I want to be, just let me do it."  That's how I've done things for past 40 years.  This message reminded me that my hand is a fist, closed.  I am a person who believes that Jesus has better plans than my own.  How can I expect His blessings when I'm not willing to turn over what I hold so tightly to receive what He has for me.  

Truthfully, if I didn't have this muscle wasting disease, I would be putting that, sales, what I do, to the top of my list of things to do.  Why, partly because I love it and partly because I like feeling relavent.  I have IBM to thank for my seeing this.  Was it part of my blueprint?  No, but I can see the "why" to it.  I've been thinking about ALL the things I've accomplished in 40 years of selling.  I mean, what am I trying to prove.  I've done it and done it ALL to the best of my ablity.  

You know my wildflower field, it has been my peace this season.  I drive my scooter out there multiple times a day.  I'm so thankful for this little piece of heaven we've been given.  I want to retire from the things I make myself do, to the things I want to do.  Yes, part of that will still include selling.  It's in my DNA.

So no formal announcements yet, I just let my fist go yesterday.  Now, my open palms are waiting for my new better blueprint.  Any plans I have for myself or business are no where near as wonderful as I believe He has for me.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  

Farmhouse Friday - Week 35 - To Everything There is a Season

 What a week!  Honestly....from misplaced items, shipped wrong items, replacement parts wrong size, acid for cleaning, stinky chemicals, humid, downpours, to...3 deaths.  Someone I graduated with, someone who I just did an estate sale with and my cousin.  That is life...unpredictable.  All 3 men where upstanding, independent, self-made - you know the kind.  There aren't too many left and now there are 3 less.  Examples of (too many things) to their families and community.  They will be missed!  

Here is where the outhouse was.  Trying to plant some grass before the snow. 

Our friend's have a farm stand, we bought these cabbages from them.  Al made saurkraut.  (it's making still).

My flowers are still going strong.  

More tomatoes.  I said "too many plants."  (wink, wink)  That is like 50 or so icecream pails full now.  Tomatoes for miles.  

Squash are getting ready.

Chickens love the "bad" tomatoes

To everything there is a season.  Plant to harvest, cradle to grave.  This week really had my thinking that I need to take each day at a time and enjoy who I'm with and what I'm doing.  You just never know.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  

Quick Pickle of Garden Goodies

 

Oh these 2 jars make me smile.  I've been craving, briny, spicy, crunchy all summer.  I think what started it, was a jar of olives, garlic, peppers that my husband bought from this big grocery store in Green Bay.  We don't have that store and no one around here carries the brand.  They were so good!  

We have dozens of hot peppers this year and I've been eating them with everything.  So, it hit me, why don't I pickle some with other veggies.  A quick pickle, store in the refrigerator, crunchy, spicy...yes, that's what I'll do.  So, out to the garden for some picking.  

Variety of fresh herbs:  chives, oregano, 2 types basil and 2 types of parsley.  I put garlic and peppercorn in the jars

Added some cherry tomatoes and mixed it all together.  I filled the jars and pressed it down until almost to top. 

The brine is a simple 2 to 1; 2 C vinegar, 1 C water, 2 T sugar and 1 T salt.  Taste it to see if you like it.  I like vinegar.  Bring to a boil for 5 min or so.  Turn off heat let it cool a bit and fill your jars.  Put on a lid, let it cool and store in the refrigerator.  You can eat them in a few hours and they will last 3 months.  

Next up...maybe beets, raw packed like these.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.  

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