My Dream of the McCaw

 I almost didn't post this, because it shows a very vulnerable Dicky Bird.  When you read this...you don't need to comment.  I'm not posting this for "oh, I'm sorry" types.  I know that.  I am too.  I also, hate those types of attention seeking posts.  Sorry, I do.  I'm more of a "rub some dirt on it and get back to work" type of person.  I'm posting to share about this dream and how through it, I was shown another part to my "healing."   

No, that's not a Dicky Bird.  However, I am sassy and have ample personality.  

This post is about a dream I had.  I do dream, my dreams have helped me through difficult things and at times they are very colorful.  When I woke from this one, I knew it meant something.  It was just too weird.  

I was in what seemed to be my childhood home.  Some rooms were not the same, but in my dreams, it was my home.  My niece lives in our parent's house now.  I was my current age.  I walked in and to the right of me was a room filled with birds.  My mom loved birds.  She was sitting outside the room on a stool.  She looked to be about 50 ish, younger than when she passed.  I asked, "what is Jessi doing with all these birds?"  She didn't answer, but looked toward the door.  In walked customers, yes like they wanted to buy the birds.  This gentleman and his 2 boys couldn't catch one.  So I jumped in to help.  I grabbed this flying, colorful, McCaw, mid air, by the feet (like catching chickens).  My mom says to me, "Dicky Bird, that bird is going to bite you."  I said "I don't care" as I looked down at the feet wrapped around my index finger.  Sure enough that bird bit my wrist.  I handed it to the gentleman and his boys.  Then I woke up.  Weird right?!

I'm not one to dabble in things that aren't spiritual, the Bible tells us not to.  However, when I try to figure out my dreams, I start there.  

You know, I would be telling a lie, if I didn't share this part.  I come from a long line of spiritual people.  Not religious, deeper than that.  I know that Jesus heals.  I also know that I'm not in control.  I know I will not be given what I can't handle.  I know, I know, I know....but knowing and feeling it, down deep....isn't the same.  I feel, disappointed in my lack of healing.  I feel, sad in my lack of abilties to do what I could do.  I feel, like a failure when I fall or hurt myself over and over.  I feel, like a disappointment to my family and friends.  I feel, I feel, I feel....and before you assume....yes, I have seen a counselor.  

So, to me, this dream, was a message.  The message is to remind me that I have been "navigating" and "processing unresolved emotions."  The McCaw reminds me of my resiliency to "handle" and "change" during my diagnosis.  Yes, that sassy bird bit me.  Yes, I didn't care.  Yes, I know my mom knows.  

The "why me's" the "wish I could do that's" and others, I'm sure will linger.  So will the "I can do all things through Christ who strengths me's."  Or the "just like Job, I will be thankful in all things."  And, "I know the plans I have for you's."  I now can add, this dream and it's meaning for me.  I would expect nothing less than a bird dream, sent as a message from above.  

Blessings from Ringle, Wisconsin.